Toddler Not Sharing? What Parents Need to Know and How to Help

Have you found yourself here because you’re wondering whether your toddler should be sharing more by now?

As an occupational therapist, I often see parents having concerns about their toddler not sharing.

One of the most common misunderstandings at this age is the difference between sharing and turn taking. These are often used interchangeably, but they are actually different skills. Sharing means giving something up, while turn taking means using something for a short time and then passing it on. For toddlers, turn taking is much more developmentally appropriate and is usually the first step toward learning to share.

So while toddlers aren’t actually developmentally ready to share yet in the way we often expect, that doesn’t mean you can’t start building the skills that support sharing over time.

Why is my toddler not sharing?

Well, for toddlers, not sharing is actually completely expected.

Sharing toys is a complex social skill that usually develops closer to around 3.5 to 4 years of age and continues to improve beyond that. Before this, children are still learning how to manage their own emotions, understand other people’s perspectives, and cope with waiting.

At this stage, many toddlers are in a strong “mine” phase. This isn’t about being difficult. It’s part of how they are learning about ownership, control, and independence.

Sometimes we as parents can expect a lot from our little people, forgetting how little time they’ve actually been on this earth. Even knowing this, I still catch myself expecting too much from my toddler at times. So if you’re only just learning this now and feeling like maybe you’ve been expecting a bit too much, just know this is a really common misunderstanding, and something many parents go through.

Why sharing is hard at this age

For toddlers, sharing isn’t just about giving a toy to someone else. It means giving something up, without knowing when or if they’ll get it back, which makes it feel much less predictable (as opposed to turn taking where they know they will get another turn).

Sharing also relies on empathy, meaning being able to think about someone else’s needs as well as their own, and that’s something that is still very much developing at this age.

So when sharing is expected too early, it can feel overwhelming and even a bit unfair to them. It’s not that they don’t want to share, it’s that it’s genuinely hard for them to do.

What This Means If Your Toddler Is Not Sharing

It can help to shift the goal slightly.

At this age, the goal isn’t to make your toddler share every time. Instead, it’s about starting to build the skills that will support sharing later on.

That means:

• focusing less on forcing the behaviour
• and more on guiding, modelling, and supporting those skills over time

How Do I Teach a toddler to share?

There are simple, practical ways to support this skill over time. These won’t lead to immediate sharing every time, but they help build the right foundations.

Start with turn taking, not sharing

This is the most helpful place to start.

Toddlers aren’t yet ready to give something up completely, but they can start to learn turn taking. Turn taking is easier because it’s predictable and they know they’ll get another turn.

So instead of focusing on sharing, it can help to shift your focus to turn taking first. This gives your child a way to start learning how to navigate these situations without the pressure of having to give something up.

Model the language and behaviour you want to see

Toddlers learn a lot from what they hear and see.

Using simple, clear language helps them understand what is happening and what to expect.

For example:

• “It looks like they’re still using that toy, it’s their turn. We can check again soon and see if they’re all done.”
• “I can see you really want that toy. Let’s ask if you can have a turn when they’re finished.”
• “You’re having a turn now, and then it will be their turn next.”
• “You’ve finished your turn, now it’s their turn.”

This models both the language and the social process, without forcing your child to give something up.

Give your child some control

Not everything needs to be shared.

At home, it can be a good idea to let your child keep a few toys just for themselves, especially ones they feel strongly about. You can also involve them in choosing which toys are okay to share with siblings or when friends come over.

When you’re out and about, this will look a bit different. Usually, the toys or equipment aren’t theirs, so there’s less they can control, which is often why these situations can be trickier.

In these situations, it can help to bring it back to turn taking. For example, if your child wants something another child is using, you might say, “They’re having a turn right now, so how about you choose a different toy for now, and when they’re finished, you can have a turn.”

Even small choices like this can help your child feel more in control and make these situations easier to manage.

Use timers to support waiting

Waiting can be one of the hardest parts of turn taking.

Using something like a timer can help make things feel more predictable. It gives your child a visual cue for how long they need to wait, but also how long they’ll get when it’s their turn.

For example, you might say, “It’s their turn until the timer goes off, and then it will be your turn.”

This can make waiting a bit easier for your toddler, as it takes away some of the uncertainty and helps both children understand what to expect.

You can start with very short turns to begin with, especially while your child is still learning.

Prepare ahead of time

Toddlers tend to do better when they know what to expect, and so it can help to talk about it a little bit beforehand. It could just be something simple like, “If someone else is using something you want, they’re having a turn first, and then you can have a turn after.”

If a friend is coming over, you might also say something like, “They’re going to want to play with your toys too,” so it’s not a surprise when it happens.

It doesn’t always stop the reaction, but it can make things feel a bit more predictable, which can surprisingly make a big difference in how your child responds.

Don’t force sharing

It can be really tempting to step in and insist that your child shares, especially when there are other children around and you can feel the eyes of other parents on you.

But forcing sharing often leads to more frustration, more resistance, and bigger reactions.

Instead, it helps to stay focused on what your child is actually ready for. That might look like supporting turn taking, guiding them through it, and using the language we’ve talked about above.

Over time, this is what builds the skills needed for sharing, rather than trying to force it before they’re ready.

Simple ways to practise sharing through play

Play is one of the easiest ways to start building these skills.

With toddlers, this doesn’t need to be anything structured. It can be as simple as taking turns with a toy, like rolling a ball back and forth or pushing a car.

You can also practise this in everyday situations. For example, bringing a few low-value toys, like bubbles, chalk, or a simple toy car, to the park or a place where other children might be interested in their toys, can create natural opportunities for turn taking. These are usually things your child won’t feel as strongly about, which makes it a bit easier to practise.

You can show them what this looks like by modelling that even though it’s their toy, other children can still have a turn using it.

If you’re looking for more simple ways to practise turn taking with toddlers, I’ve shared some ideas here.

When does sharing become more important?

As children get a bit older and move into preschool and the early school years, sharing naturally becomes more important, especially when it comes to things like group play, friendships, and being part of a classroom.

By this stage, most children have developed a better ability to manage their emotions, understand other people, and handle things like waiting and turn taking.

The early experiences you’re supporting now are what help build towards this over time.

Does my child need more support with sharing?

While not sharing is typical in toddlers, you might want to look a bit more closely if:

• your child becomes extremely distressed in most sharing/turn taking situations
• there are ongoing difficulties as they approach school age (around 5-6 years old)
• it is significantly impacting their ability to engage with other children

In these cases, a bit of extra support might be helpful.

Not sharing at this age is expected and part of development. If your toddler is not sharing, it doesn’t mean they’re being difficult.

They’re still learning the skills that make sharing possible.

By focusing on turn taking instead of forcing sharing, and by guiding and modelling these interactions, you’re helping build the foundations for sharing over time.